Here is a transcription of "Monkees Chat", which is a cut from the Headquarters Sessions box set. Since many of you probably don't own a copy of Headquarters Sessions, I decided to share this hilarious conversation with you anyway (because I love you). The Headquarters Boxset, by the way, was only available from Rhino Handmade and was limited to 4,500 sets. I think it sold out, which means that you're really missing out on a good time. Despite the $60 price tag, Headquarters Sessions is a must have for all Monkees fans. But alas, if you want to hear this Monkees Chat thing, just head on over to Napster because I've seen it on there many times. And with this handy transcription of mine, you can finally understand what all is being said!
Micky Dolenz- Monkee
Peter Tork- Monkee
Davy Jones- Monkee
Mike Nesmith- Monkee
Chip Douglas- Producer
Hank Cicalo- Engineer
For the record:
They mention many names in this conversation, and because I'm hip, I'll tell you who they're talking about.
Tad is reference to Henry (Tad) Diltz, famed rock photographer and former member of the Modern Folk Quartet (of which Chip was also a member). Jerry is Jerry Yester, also member of the Modern Folk Quartet (MFQ). He jammed with The Monkees a bit on Headquarters and later went on to replace Zally in the Lovin Spoonful. Cyrus is a reference to Cyrus Farrar of the Modern Folk Quartet. They also mention names of record executives in the conversation, but who really cares about them?
Anyway, I've tried to figure out what they're saying to the best of my ability. Sometimes they don't speak directly into the mic, so it's a bit difficult...but this is the basic GIST of their conversation. To warn you, Davy uses some very...colorful language....
Micky: (singing) Blackbird is a blackbird blackbird blackbird...bye bye, bye bye, bye bye.
Peter: Do you think he's been listening to a little too much Four Freshman?
Chip: He's been listening to a little too much Wayne Newton.
Micky: No, man..it's a great arrangement.
Davy: Do you like Wayne Newton?
Peter: "Blackbird" is a lot...well...it's over..
Micky: It's great.
Davy: I don't like it, I like ....I don't know
Micky: It's over what?
Chip: I don't like his choice of material.
Micky: Wayne Newton?
Davy: No, man...he could sing some great shit, but he sings all the Sammy Davis songs and the Tommy _____(?) songs.
Peter: He wants to be a major star and he thinks you get that way by doing what every other major star has always done.
Hank: Except for his last album. He did, like..."Monday Monday" and things like that.
Peter: Really? That's alright.
Micky: "Boots Are Made For Walking?"
Davy: Did you hear Bobby Darin's new one? Fuckin' album's good....fuckin' album's smashing 'tis...fuckin' smashing.
Micky: Someday, when the time is right...I gotta tell you what happened and what was said, because it isn't funny..(gets cut off)
Chip: (making fun of some executive dude)..."hi folks, Ralph Williams...President of RCA Victor Records."
Micky: (making fun of some other executive dude)..."This is Ronie Shuggum, President of Capitol Records."
Micky: and Jerry.....what did Jerry say? He said something really funny too...which one did he say? He said...um...
Davy: How could he possibly say anything funny?
Micky: He's really a funny guy.
Peter: He is too, man.
Micky: They're really great people.
Mike: Jerry Yester is one of the all time funny guys. Did you ever watch him on stage in the MFQ?
Peter: Yeah, all the time.
Chip: "Big Jack" was his all time great number, man.
Chip: "Big Jack."
Mike: "Big Jack" was groovy..and..uh..but his, his bullshit on stage, man...unbelievable. Cyrus would be up there doing things and be throwing things over his shoulders...it was great.
Chip: He lost a lot of that as he grew older...he started getting stoned and stuff and he didn't want to do it...you know? And he got inhibited..He used to hate "Big Jack" in college concerts...he got discouraged.
Peter: He grew that mustache and it changed his image...I mean his image changed him.
Chip: Were we to get back together now, he would, you know..fall back in that groovy bag again. It's possible.
Mike: Yeah, I wish you would man. It was one of the greatest vocal groups going..wooo!
Chip: Well, we're making records at that rate...we'd go out on the road when the offers get in the 6-7 grand if the record ever hits.
Mike: You guys did the greatest version of..
Peter: "Nighttime Girl."
Mike: .....fuck...what in the hell was that song?
Peter: Hey, I really like that song, man...I'm sorry..
Mike: "Ox Driver."
Mike: And Tad Diltz...Did you ever hear Tad..?
Peter: (sings "Ox Driver")
Mike: ...do "Ox Driver"?
Peter: Ahh, yeah. I have the record....your Warners Brothers.
Mike: Well the record wasn't, but no, man.. what they used to do in concert was really great.
Peter: I never heard them in concert until they were...until you were a rock group.
Chip: Oh, concerts were the greatest when we were a rock group. We used to do just a little bit of each, man...we'd do a whole folk half, then we'd do a whole rock half. Fantastic.
Davy: Go fuck yourself and let's do this, you cunt.
Peter: Can we do this for once, you crumb?